In the face of it all –
the beast of destruction that threatens to undo
all that makes me feel safe,
the piercing wounds that burn my soul
until pleasure feels like a distant, delusional dream,
the unrelenting whys
that leave my mind drunken and hollow with their echoes…
In the face of it all I am drawn to despair
certain that God cannot be
or if God is, then evil;
But, something, somewhere will not allow me that resolution
In some forgotten cavern of myself is an angel
that insists on wrestling my dark certainties to the ground
God, seemingly so distant, forgive me
that I too often choose simple unbelief
over the struggle of faith
And keep disturbing my heart
so that the demons of fear and faithlessness are always shaken loose.
Amen.